Courageous Conversations
This site is an archive of previous lists.
Meetings:
First Thursday each month
18:30 - Brunswick Town Hall
(upstairs)
Bob Pease's Lists
December 2024.
Preamble
We live in a time of escalating violence by men against women, other men, and non-binary people, manifesting in domestic violence, street harassment, online misogyny, and sexual objectification in various spaces. Acknowledging this reality is essential.
While not all men are perpetrators, patriarchal systems of male domination and privilege that underpin this violence advantage all men in some way. This list of things men can do is a response for requests for men to ‘Step Up’ and speak out against this violence. It is crucial to understand how denying the relationship between male privilege and violence is part of a broader culture that condones and perpetuates this violence.This list, refined through public forums, group discussions and comments from representatives of violence prevention organisations, aims to inspire men to educate themselves and other men. We invite men to join this conversation, understand the issues, and take proactive steps towards a socially just, caring, and violence-free world by challenging patriarchal attitudes and practices.
20 Things Men Can Do To Challenge Patriarchy
1. Educate yourself about how male privilege shows up in the lives of men and reflect on how this has happened in your own life.2. Educate yourself about women’s lives by reading, watching, or listening to art, research and analysis made by women.3. Be aware of how men’s privilege intersects with other factors such as class, race, (dis)ability, sexual and gender identity and how these influence the power you have.4. Be mindful of how your own attitudes and use of language might contribute to gendered power imbalances.5. Share your insights about male privilege with the women in your life and listen to their perspectives on these issues if they feel safe to share them.6. Believe women and gender diverse people if they disclose an experience of gender-based harm or abuse.7. Don’t interrupt women while they are speaking.8. Support and encourage women’s leadership in your workplace and community.9. Acknowledge and apologise when you realise that you have ‘stuffed up’.10. Do your fair share of child care and housework.11. Understand the prevalence of sexism in the pornography industry and consider ethical options if you choose to consume pornography.12. Learn about affirmative consent and how you can practice it in your intimate relationships to ensure mutual respect and pleasure.13. Talk to boys and young men about the importance of respecting girls and women.14. Challenge other men when they make sexist comments or jokes, whether socially, at work or online.15. Speak up if you discover that a male friend is disrespecting or abusing a woman and check on her to find out what she needs.16. Learn about the ways in which ‘boys’ clubs’ perpetutate discrimination against
women and explore strategies for opting out of them.17. Boycott and challenge corporations that use sexist and objectifying images of women.18. Write letters to the editor and opinion articles for local newspapers and other media outlets, including social media, to express support for gender equality and opposition to men’s violence.19. Join or start a group of men who are challenging sexism and patriarchy.20. Become a resource person who can speak out on men’s responsibility for challenging sexism and patriarchy.
Postamble
Many men are already doing these things. But stepping up is a lifelong learning journey to practicing allyship. We are not suggesting that these twenty things men can do are exhaustive and we encourage others to add to the list or develop a list of their own. We are asking men to commit, reflect, learn and do the best they can. These suggestions represent one small step to address the culture that allows men’s violence against women to continue.
An earlier version of Bob's list
Alexandria’s List
(June 2024)
Twenty things to consider in developing and maintaining healthy human relationships1. To consider supporting authors and filmmakers of other genders (female, non-binary and gender diverse)
2. To reflect on your own social location within today's society, including, your gender, class, race, physical ability and how that influences the power you have.
3. To explore how power and privilege intersects with systems and structures.
4. To reflect on your own attitudes and usage of language can contribute to power imbalances, including gender inequality, classism, ableism, racism etc.
5. To not only challenge any abusive and controlling behaviour you might have, but to also challenge those behaviours of settings that you interact with, including, workplaces, recreation places, etc.
6. To develop curiosity of other people's lives, including women, non-binary and gender diverse people.
7. To deeply listen and actively reflect on what your speaking partner has to say.
8. To practice good listening skills by asking others if you have understood what they have said.
9. To be compassionate with yourself when you make mistakes and take accountability for your mistakes. Apologise sincerely.
10. To openly discuss with your partner about household roles and responsibilities and be open to doing tasks outside of your comfort zone.
11. To learn more about pornography and its effects on how you view sexual relationships.
12. To develop curiosity over your own sexuality outside of porn and reflect on how you can have a healthy and loving sex life.
13. To have conversations on what it means to have healthy human relationships within and outside your social circles.
14. To challenge both interpersonal relationships and systemic structures when they engage in unhealthy attitudes and behaviours towards others, including women, girls, non-binary and gender diverse people.
15. To seek out services and support when you suspect abusive is happening within or outside your social circles.
16. To publicly and socially advocate for equality and equity amongst different groups of people, including gender equality.
17. To be critical of the public messaging that corporations and businesses stand for, especially when they are promoting unhealthy views of others.
18. To support social justice movements, by joining rallies, writing letters to local, State and Federal MPs etc. in support of equality and equity for all people, including women, non-binary and gender diverse people.
19. To explore and follow healthy examples of masculinity and talk about the diversity within manhood with your fellow peers.
20. To be a healthy role-model for others on what it means to form and maintain healthy human relationships.